Thursday, 27 July 2017

What's around this corner?

Hey my lovelies, I hope you all are doing fab tonight and looking forward to a great weekend. This wasn't a scheduled post but sometimes there are just things we need to get out isn't there?



So, I am sitting here, fake tan on cooking, pjs on, trying to concentrate on the Inbetweeners and all I can think of is this hospital appointment tomorrow and if I am honest I am absolutely scared to bits. I am seeing the Cardiac team in Antrim tomorrow and I am soo scared my life will change from tomorrow.

A little bit of background might help me work these feelings out. My grandparents who I never met both died of heart disease and attacks, my mummy had heart failure, 9 attacks the tragically an arrest which she never came back from. Heart issues have played on my mind for years, if I am honest probably for at least 15 years. I watched my mum go through all of this and I have always wondered what if...



For a long time now I have had the odd nippy pain in my chest and always just was too scared to say anything to anyone. Scott has known for a little while now because again if I am honest they have been getting worse and I am petrified.  I always put it down to my fybromyalgia or anxiety but I was with my GP a few weeks ago and suddenly this feeling came over me that I should and actually had to tell her and she was straight on the ball. Fast forward a few weeks and I sit here wondering what tomorrow will bring.

What if it is what I have feared for so long, what if the genes have passed down, what if what I witnessed in my mum's eyes the night she passed is in my future... what If?  I look in my dad's eyes and what if that hurt will be in Scott's eyes, have I let my weight get out of control that my heart will not cope, has this been all my fault?

I think by now, it's time to find out. I buried my head for years and now that I am facing it, part of me wishes I had of just kept it all in the dark.

I don't honestly know what tomorrow will bring, but I know I will just have to face it and deal with good or bad.

I don't know why I wanted to write tonight, but sometimes writing it down makes it easier to process, I think that's what most of us love about blogging isn't it.

So, whatever is round this corner, we can all hit it face on. If you're facing something at present please know you're strong and can and will cope.

Love to you all tonight and I promise to let you all know what happens
Ali xx


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5 comments

  1. I'm going through heart tests at the minute, I really hope tomorrow goes well for you. I'm only an inbox away if you need a chat. Xx

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    1. Lynne that means a lot. I will be thinking of you huni and if you need me yell

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  2. I'm thinking about you tomorrow lovely, I was away gettinfhear tests too! Always have problems with ecgs. Nothing is ever simple but just know your blogging gals are right behind you xxx

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    Replies
    1. Aww Lucy I am truly blessed to have you all ❤❤

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  3. Hope everything goes well for you today. If you ever need to chat, I'll be here for you ❤️

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